where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
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I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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