Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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