I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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