I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
