I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
