im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
