Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
