hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
