If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
