Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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