he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
