good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
