the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
