It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
