I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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