I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
