the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
