i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
