so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
