you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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