If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
