Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's the barista slut.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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