Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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