Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
