my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
