Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
