I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
