were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Boobs speak an international language.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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