soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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