How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
