Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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