How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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