I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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