Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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