I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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