What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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