I swear she didn't look like that last week.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize