Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
