Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need to calm my uterus...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
