Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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