I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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