My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
