And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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