Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
