pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
