Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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