I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
