You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
