Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
