ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
