i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
