The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
