We got so high we made milksteak
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woke up backwards on a recliner
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
