I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
