it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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