i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
