I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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