At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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