Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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