I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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