I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We named our party play list daddy issues
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
